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Note: In stark contrast to “Good Soldiers Follow Orders,” I did a metric fuck ton of research for the express purpose of stretching the facts a bit. What is true though is that the Basedale nunnery did get in trouble for “gadding about” the countryside, and another nunnery in Lincolnshire was found to enjoy late night drinking parties with guests. I combined them a bit to create this devilishly blasphemous tale.
Basedale nunnery, Yorkshire, England, 1312
Sister Abigail knelt at the foot of her bed, her hands desperately clasped together and shaking as she tried to ignore the sounds of revelry and sin that echoed through the halls. It was never meant to get this bad. She cut that thought short. That was how sinners thought. We never should have strayed.
She lowered her head and her blonde braid was dislodged from its perch on her shoulder. weighing her head down. It was as if the braid were the weight of their sins, dragging her down to hell.
She squeezed her green eyes tight, hoping that her prayer would pierce the veil of depravity that hung over their nunnery and reach God’s ears so that he may have mercy on them all. With a shaky breath, she began.
“Lord Jesus.” She stopped and swallowed hard, fighting to drown out the noise and remember the prayer. “You were called the friend of sinners, be my friend, for I acknowledge that I-we have sinned. Forgive the wrongs that we have done and the rights that we have failed to do; our secret and our more open sins; our sins of ignorance and our deliberate sins; sins to please ourselves and…” She trailed off, finding it hard to complete the line. But she had to finish the prayer, if not for her own soul, then for the souls of her fellow sisters. “And sins to please others; the sins which I remember, and the sins which I have forgotten; forgive all these, for it was for us that you died. My Lord and Saviour. Amen.”
After finishing the prayer, she felt no better. The sounds of sin still perforated the walls. She was helpless to stop them and each moan and grunt tore her heart apart more. For it was all her fault.
With nothing else she could do as a humble servant of the lord, she prepared to pray again. That is, until the door to her room opened. She stood and turned, her first thought that God himself had come down to smite her and her sisters.
Instead, it was Prioress Mary. Abigail’s eyes took in her form and she suddenly felt like she needed to ask for more forgiveness.
Prioress Mary had short, red hair that curled at the tips. Beneath her robe was the undeniable form of a woman. Plump and curvy even within the modest habits they wore. She was the exact opposite of the crotchety old witch Abigail had been told to prepare to deal with when joining a nunnery. She was only in her third decade, a surprising feat to most of the younger sisters of the coven.
Her warm voice reached Abigail’s ears. “Oh! Forgive me. Am I interrupting, Abi?” The nickname Mary gave her the first day they met rattled in her head. She’d never heard of a prioress to be so familiar with her sisters.
“Never! I mean, no Mother Superi-Prioress Mary.” Abigail kicked herself for making so many mistakes in such short order. She had studied a lot in preparation for becoming a sister, and as such she drilled into her head that the head was always called ‘Mother Superior.’ Well, that and the fact that whenever Prioress Mary’s amber eyes met hers, her brain turned to mush. “I was just praying… for forgiveness.”
Prioress Mary entered the room fully and closed the door behind her. “And what have you done that needs to be forgiven?” A questioning brow raised on her face.
Panic filled Abigail’s brain at the thought of seeming sinful in front of her caretaker. And the holy Father, of course.
“Not me! I mean, mostly not me. I’m praying for… the others.” While she panicked, Mary’s smile radiated the same warmth it always did as she sat on the edge of the bed.
“And what have they done to require forgiveness?” She patted a spot next to her on the bed for Abigail to sit down. Abigail timidly sat down on the edge of the bed, making sure to leave plenty of space for Jesus between the two of them.
She looked at Prioress Mary in disbelief. Could she not hear all of the… sinful noises around them? “Forgive me Moth-Prioress Mary-“
“Just for tonight, you can call me Mary, Abigail.”
“O-okay. Forgive me M-Mary. Do you not-” She winced as a particularly loud moan reached her ears. “Do you not hear that?”
Mary only continued to smile. Abigail could have sworn she the gap between them was larger a few seconds ago. “I do, Abi. But what is it that I hear?” Her gaze made Abigail’s cheeks burn with righteous embarrassment.
Abigail’s words failed her. She couldn’t sit there in front of the woman she idolized most and say such… sinful things.
“Abi.” Mary’s tone was still soft, but she also expected an answer. “I may not be a priest, but shrift is marmaris escort still the gateway to salvation.” Somehow the distance between them had vanished and Abigail was acutely aware of the heat coming from Mary’s body. She stiffened completely when Mary reached over and pulled her close. Mary felt so… soft. And warm. And she smelled so nice. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9. Now, Abi. What is it that I’m hearing?”
Abigail was simultaneously too comfortable and too freaked out at the situation. Her mind was racing against her body. She wondered why Mary was being this nice to her, but she’d always felt a matronly, motherly vibe from her. Abigail had no choice but to trust in her.
“Forgive me sister, for I have sinned.”
“And how have you sinned, sister Abigail?”
Abigail swallowed hard.
“It’s all my fault. As you know, most of us are not from Yorkshire. Many of us hadn’t even left our villages before coming here. So I convinced some of the others to break the rules of confinement. We sometimes…” She couldn’t lie during a confession. “…often, we often sneak out at night and explore the countryside. But we make sure no one sees us!” She looked up at Mary’s face, pleading with her to believe her.
Instead of the anger or disappointment she expected, all she found was the same, accepting smile. “I know, dear.”
“You do?” Abigail found herself shushed by Mary.
“That can wait for later. Now is the time for confession.”
“Right. So we would go out and explore and climb rocks and trees. Mostly we’d just talk and have fun. But tonight was different. We heard some people traveling in the woods. Usually we’d run away, but we hid and watched them. They seemed lost and tired. We couldn’t just leave them! Nuns are supposed to be charitable and righteous!” A soft rub on her shoulder calmed her down some. “We aren’t allowed to bring outsiders, especially men, back here. But we figured that being hospitable and helping those in need would outweigh the sin of bringing them inside.” She paused as the full weight of reflection on her and her sisters’ sins fell upon her conscience.
“Confession only works if you bare everything, Abi.”
“After we got back, we figured we should feed them. And so we cooked up some food but then they asked for… wine. And we gave them some because it’s our duty to be good hosts. But then they offered some of it back to us and… things got out of hand.” She ended her point with silence, letting the noises of the night and sin to punctuate her confession.
“So this is all their fault? Did those evil men corrupt your sisters?” Mary was still oddly calm despite the heinous words she said. Abigail told the truth.
“N-no. Truth be told, it didn’t take much convincing. A few of us had a talk on the way back. Some of them seemed to… take a liking to our guests.”
“And what was it that your sisters said?”
Abigail stayed silent. She didn’t want to betray her sisters.
“Abi, if they are not here to confess themselves, you must pick up the slack. Do you not care for their eternal souls?” The question melted away Abigail’s reluctance with holy warmth.
She steeled herself to confess the words her sisters told her in confidence to their caretaker. Not even the soft warmth of Mary’s side could completely take away the discomfort of her betrayal. She decided to go with the least sinful of the bunch.
“Well… Amice said that one of them looked cute.”
Somewhere in the nunnery
Amice was deaf to the noises coming from the other rooms. All she could hear was the beat of her own heart and the sound of their shallow breaths. Everything felt so… overwhelming.
Once they realized what everyone else in the dining hall, as well as the ones who had already left, were getting up to, she suggested they leave as to not get caught up in the flow of things. She didn’t have anything particular in mind and so she took him to her domicile, where they currently sat in silence.
She didn’t quite understand the ramifications of her decision until the door closed behind them. She and Anzan had exchanged a few awkward glances on the walk back from the countryside and she told Abigail in confidence that she might have fancied him despite his size.
Once in the guest hall, they had a chance to talk after the nuns served the men a much needed dinner. Anzan turned out to be less imposing than he looked. Despite his large stature, he was soft spoken and kind. He really only spoke when she asked him questions about himself, but his answers radiated a sort of freeing honesty.
But now the talking had ended and all that was left was the sinful tension between them. Neither of them had partaken in the drinking and yet her head still felt cloudy around him. Her mind raced with sinful ideas and pious rejections so fast that it marmaris escort bayan took more time than normal to piece out and understand her own thoughts.
The two of them sat on the edge of her bed and she almost jumped out of her skin when he cleared his throat.
“I’m sorry. I appreciate you taking me somewhere quiet but it feels like I’m imposing a bit too much for a guest, I’ll just…” He made to get up. Despite her cluttered mind, an immediate thought rose to the forefront. She didn’t want him to leave. Her body moved before her brain could process how to achieve this goal.
She leaned over to stop him and before she knew it, their lips had met. Both of their eyebrows shot up in surprise, and yet, it lasted a little longer than it should have. Instead of recoiling in surprise, she drew back slowly, their lips reluctantly parting. The moment of silence after grew too much to bear, so she decided to push forward. She spoke how she felt.
“You’re not imposing at all. I… I want you here.” Her heart felt as if it would break free of her ribs with how hard it thumped within her.
“Okay.”
And then the guilt set in. Piercing through the atmosphere of her room was God’s gaze. She wasn’t supposed to consort with men at all, let alone kiss them. She couldn’t be a nun now. But what was she to do? She couldn’t go home. Her family would never accept her being kicked out of the monastery, especially for being with a man. She couldn’t stay here either. She-
The downward spiral was interrupted by another kiss, this one initiated by Anzan. All of her worries left her head.
The next few minutes devolved into the two of them sharing quick kisses between one another, deaf to the sounds outside of her room. The space between them gradually shrank until the hand she once had on the bed was now on his thigh. She knew she shouldn’t but she enjoyed the feeling of his strong thigh tensing at her touch under his robe. During one of the deeper kisses, her hand brushed up against something particularly hard. They froze.
Both of them stopped their kisses, but did not move apart. The back of her hand could still feel something pulsing beneath the robe. Each searched the other’s worried face, looking for an answer. Should they stop? Or should they… not stop?
Amice had already made her choice. She was a woman of God, so she shouldn’t. But a woman of God was still a woman. She also knew what Anzan would do. He was too nice for his own good, not willing to do anything that could possibly offend her.
“I’m sor-“
“Do you want me to… help you with that?” Her question gave way to another bout of silence between them. Worried about how Anzan would try to refuse next, she pushed forward. “It’s just that, I’m supposed to be hosting you tonight. And I don’t think it would be very hospitable of me to leave a guest in such… discomfort.”
Despite her framing of the events at hand, both she and Anzan knew what she was really suggesting. And if they knew, then the big man upstairs knew.
Anzan swallowed hard. “Are you – are you sure? About this?”
“Yes.” Her answer conveyed the most confidence from either of them yet. Confident and clear. Well aware of the sins it would implicate them in.
“Okay, then.” There was no turning back now.
Anzan’s hand gently grabbed hers, almost as if he were scared he’d break it. She gave him a gentle squeeze along with a smile. He nodded and guided her hand to a small slit near the front. If he hadn’t shown her it was there, she never would have noticed it. She guessed it must be for ease of relieving himself. But now it would be used for a different kind of relief.
His hand left hers at the entrance. It was now up to her own volition to brave the depths.
The first thing she felt was his thigh, now skin to skin. It felt warm and tensed under her touch. She hesitated but for a moment, understanding the two of them had already passed the point of no return. She ventured her hand upwards and grabbed a hold of something stiff and fleshy. She heard Anzan take in a breath.
Some part of Amice’s mind let out a sigh of relief. Anzan was bigger than her. Taller by at least a head and a half, so she was worried that every part of him would be… big. Not that she had much to judge it on. It just felt… manageable. And manage it she would. Once she knew what to do with it.
A moment passed as she just held it. Expecting it to do… something. She could feel Anzan’s nervous energy start to rise again.
“Amice, you don’t have to force yours-“
“I can do it!” In her eagerness to affirm, she ended up squeezing a bit, causing Anzan to suck in a breath. “Sorry! But I can – want to! I want to do it. I just… I don’t know what to do. With it.”
He reached down and softly grabbed her forearm. “That’s okay, you don-” A tertiary feeling sprung up and for a brief moment she forgot about her religious anxiety and timid innocence. marmaris eskort She interrupted him with a kiss, one much more fierce than the pecks they shared earlier.
Once she shut him up she gave him as stern of a look as she could muster. “I’m going to do this because I want to do it and you are going to like it! Now, what do I do?” She lost all her steam by the end of her question, but she could tell that the point had gotten through to him.
“Well, all you have to do is hold it and move your hand back and forth.”
“Like this?” She gingerly moved her hand as instructed, to great effect. The rest of Anzan practically melted while it felt like the part she was holding only grew harder. She took that as a yes and continued.
The next few minutes were spent in a weird atmosphere, at least in Amice’s mind. The same anxiety blanketed the room, but the excitement had mounted and was only growing stronger, second by second. Her hand had slowly sped up to a moderate pace.
Anzan had been panting and holding in noises, but at a particular stroke, he committed a taboo Amice could not abide.
Anzan whispered, “Oh, God.”
Amice’s hand didn’t stop. “Anzan! Don’t you dare use the lord’s name in vain. Shame on you!”
“Sorry.” They continued in silence until he couldn’t hold it in again. Though this time piqued her interest. “Oh… Amice.”
She turned her face away from Anzan in embarrassment but rewarded him by speeding up a little. Her face burned even more, but the goofy smile she had would give away her true feelings.
She felt… powerful? Influential? The sin of pride? Whatever it was, it felt good to be ranked so high. His first choice was God, of course. But she was second, as if in his life, she was just below the Almighty.
In the revelation of this new feeling, she missed a few different signs from her guest. She quickly noticed however, a new feeling in and on her hand.
She was ripped from her sinful revelry to the feeling of wetness on her hand. She couldn’t see anything but her eyes still shot down to Anzan’s lap in avid curiosity as she continued to feel the sensation. As more and more of the liquid covered her hand, her hand still moved on.
That is until Anzan’s beefy hand suddenly gripped her petite wrist. Still as gentle as ever, but firm. She looked up to his face and saw that he looked to be in pain. Guilt washed over her.
“That’s enough! I mean… it’s over.”
“I’m so sorry, did I do something wro-“
“No. Of course not.”
“But I-” This time it was her silenced with a kiss. The smile he showed her after calmed her down. He placed his forehead against hers.
“You did great. Truly.” She believed him. She’d only just met him but she was sure he’d never lie to her. But then he continued. “Your eyes are beautiful.” She blushed harder. Her eyes were just the normal brown. But hearing it from him made them feel special, somehow.
They shared a moment then. Just staring into each other’s eyes. Until one kissed the other. She didn’t know who started it or whether or not that even mattered. They made out for a few minutes, her still holding him in her hand. She faintly noticed how it returned to its hardness at some point.
Then the alarm bells rung, overpowering the lust within. Their bodies were as close as they could be. She had been enjoying feeling his larger, harder frame against her. Feeling his warmth. But then she felt a hand squeeze her breast. And it felt good.
It felt too good. Anything that felt this good couldn’t be right, couldn’t be holy. Along with the squeeze came a throbbing from her loins. A yearning. Further proof of the wrongness of her body. And it scared her to imagine how much more pleasurable it would feel for him to touch her there.
She separated her body from his as fast as possible.She placed herself a few inches away and even removed her hand from his robe. His look of confusion and concern only made her feel more guilty.
“Amice, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” A pause, “Everything. I don’t know. Actually I do know but I don’t know how to explai-“
“Amice. It’s okay. You can take all the time you need.” She appreciated his patience. She took a deep breath to calm herself.
“I like you Anzan. I do-“
“I like you, too.” Another throb from below.
“But when you touched me just now… It felt good. But it also felt wrong.” Panic spread across his face.
“I just – you’ve been so great. And you’re wonderful and after what you did for me I just wanted to make you feel good too. I’m so-“
“Don’t apologize. I know you didn’t mean anything bad. It’s just. I’m a nun and I think. I think that might be going a bit too far.”
Anzan stood. “I’m-” he stopped himself from apologizing, choosing his next words carefully. “I don’t want to be a bother, nor make you feel bad. I think I should just go.”
Amice grabbed his hand and pulled him back onto the bed. She was surprised how easily he sat, considering his size.
“I don’t want you to go. But I also can’t do any more of that… Can we just sit and talk some more?” Anzan gave her the warmest smile yet.
“Of course.”
The two of them shared stories and laughed the night away. All while still holding hands.
Back in Abigail’s room
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